Today I woke up with just a hint of depression. Not the all encompassing major depressive episodes that leave me stuck in bed because the energy of moving is just too much and it is impossible to feel hopeful about anything, but rather just a twing of depression, a I’d-get-out-of-bed-if-I-could-see-a-point-to-doing-so-but-right-now-I-just-don’t-see-it type of depression. I’ve been in this position enough times to know that if I sit and dwell with it I’d probably sink into a full blown depression by tomorrow. So, after procrastinating for as long as possible on social media, I finally forced myself out of bed and started focusing on self-care.
First, I decided to workout. Now, I say that I like to workout, but I also say I’m just too tired and I’ll exercise tomorrow. Spoiler alert, tomorrow rarely comes. But tomorrow came today and I cranked the music and forced myself into the basement to workout. I even had a helper in the form of Ginny cat, who seemed more interested in the stretching portion of working out then the actual workout itself.
And I have to admit that the endorphins and the movement helped. That isn’t always the case and there is no guarantee that my depression won’t get worse regardless, but it was a start.
Next, I forced myself to sit down and write this post. I love writing in general, and will probably do some more writing after this post is up, but in the midst of a depression it can be impossible to get any enjoyment out of writing and thus can be impossible to find the motivation to write.
Later, I will go float. The sensory deprivation and the mindfulness will hopefully be like hitting the reset button, short circuiting the depression before it can truly take hold. It will hopefully allow me to reconnect with myself and drive the demons of the depression back into their shadowy recesses.
And it might seem strange, for me to just be using today’s post to list the things I’ve done today or will be doing. But these are things that I enjoy, things that make up my self-care kit. And like I said earlier, in the midst of full blown major depressive episodes, it can be hard if not impossible to find the energy or the motivation to do these things.
And that is exactly why I am writing this now, to remind myself later that despite whatever lies my demons are telling me, that these things do help and they are worth finding the energy for, because these things might actually make me feel better. And though I might not believe it in the moment, I can look back on this writing and know that it is true. And hopefully, if you find yourself struggling as well, you can look at posts like this one and be reminded of the value of self-care, especially when you are just starting to feel a depression coming on. Like I said, it might not work, sometimes the depression will still win. But you fought, and you can be proud of that. Because when the depression lifts you’ll still have that accomplishment to hang your hat on.
P.S. The workout was apparently too much for Ginny cat, who has decided that for the rest of the day she will be practicing self-care in the form of napping.