Anti-Social Social Anxiety

A few months back my psychiatrist prescribed me Buspar. Specifically, he advised me to take it ahead of situations that were likely to trigger my social anxiety. Of course, this occurred during 2020, the year socialization itself became anti-social and even introverts mused about how much they missed the outside. So all in all, there haven’t been a lot of chances for me to test out the Buspar in full-fledged social situations. 

There have been some social situations. However, most of these occurred via Zoom and the rest occurring via work. Yet it isn’t the same. Zoom isn’t the same dynamic as real-life, as all of us know all too well at this point, and my work is for a mental health non-profit where I am open about my battles, including my social anxiety, a fact that seems to rob it of much of its power. 

So while I feel like my Buspar hasn’t worked well for me, a real possibility given that it might be overpowered by the high dose of Lexapro I am on, it is almost difficult to say for sure, given that my first interactions with it came during 2020, the year when almost nothing is normal and almost everything should have an asterisk next to it. Nevertheless my psychiatrist upped the dose on that as well, which he figured was worth a try before deciding that the Buspar was a failure.

So here is to my anti-social social anxiety, and 2020, the year that made managing pretty much every mental illness harder.