My demons specialize in messing with different periods of my life. For example, depression is my past demon. It torments me with negative memories, constantly lying to me and telling me I am not good enough. Anxiety is my future demon, telling me that I shouldn’t even bother, that things won’t work out. Together they are my past and future demons. And they suck.
We all have memories we aren’t proud of. We’ve all said things in anger or pain that we regret, that we wish we could take back. Depression digs up all of those memories, all of that darkness. It builds its case about why you aren’t good enough, why you will never be good enough. It drags you deeper and deeper into the darkness and it can be terrifying to have your own mind telling you that.
Yet turning towards the future presents its own challenges for me, as anxiety casts long dark shadows over that as well. It fills you with dread, paralyzing you in its tracks and making it hard to face the day. It keeps you trapped in your own baseless worrying as you watch the time tick by. And as the future turns to the past, the anxiety turns to depression, demonic pairs that are so exhausting to fight off.
But what about the present? That, ideally, is a time for mindfulness. A time when you can focus on who you are, for better and worse, and what you need to do. Mindfulness, as I’ve said before here, is such a powerful tool when fighting back against mental illness. It is something I try to practice, but not nearly enough, and this week was an excellent example of that.
Yet it is Friday, which means the workweek is over. And it also means I have the chance to start fresh with my mindfulness practice next week. And if you are struggling with your own past and future demons, consider trying a little mindfulness in the here and now.
Thanks for reading. Have a good weekend.