Living with mental illness can be a source of great fear for many. Part of this is the tragic stigma that still exists surrounding mental health conditions. Yet part of it is the fear of the darkness within you own head.
And sure, other chronic health conditions can be a source of fear. Other chronic health conditions may even try to kill you. Yet the tool trying to kill you with mental illness isn’t some cancerous cell, isn’t some virus. It is the darkness of your own mind that is trying to kill you and that can be terrifying.
We are hardwired to want to live. Yet this darkness can lie so damn convincingly that it blots out that will to live. Sometimes it is just a passive thought, as I had in the deepest of my depressions. Other times it it so terrifying it brings you to the precipice. And sadly, sometimes it pushes you off.
I don’t know where I would be today if I hadn’t gotten help, but I don’t think it would be good. Yea, there have been many times in my recovery that have sucked. But facing the fear, facing the darkness, has helped me retake some of the power from my mental illness. It is still something I struggle with tremendously, but facing the fear has helped reduce the fear, reduce the darkness, and lead to a place that is brighter and more hopeful.
And if you are still struggling with facing the fears of your own darkness, know two things. One, there is absolutely no shame in that. And two, you are not alone.
Have a good weekend everyone.