Yesterday, I talked about how I would stick with zombies when I needed a pick me up. This comment, in part, was a response to a discussion with my therapist about A Marriage Story, the Netflix original film highlighting what happens after a marriage falls apart.
You see, I had set out to watch all of the Best Picture nominees. I watched all but one and a half. The Irishman proved to be too long, and I only got about a third of the way through it. Yet when it comes to A Marriage Story, I found myself pausing before I could even push play.
A major struggle I have with my depression is the fear that I am unworthy of love, that I will ultimately be left alone. I fear that I will fail as a husband, and so a film about the failure of a marriage, while a necessary story for our society, is a hard topic for me to watch because it would force me to face my own fears.
That isn’t to say I won’t watch it, but only that I have to be in the right mindset. Part of mindfully managing your mental illness is overcoming the fears that come from depression’s lies but doing so when you are ready to overcome them. For example, you wouldn’t get up one day and run a marathon, you would only undertake it if you were physically ready for such a feat.
And while watching a movie is obviously worlds easier than running a marathon, it is nevertheless important to not make things worse by doing something you aren’t ready for, which is why I am waiting to watch it.
And I am curious about you, dear readers are there any songs that you find you can’t listen to or films or shows that you can’t watch because of your mental illness?