The first day back after a long weekend is never easy, regardless of whether you struggle with a mental illness or not. For those who don’t struggle, it can be hard to pull yourself away from the bed after getting to sleep in the last few days. For me though, going back into the fray adds two additional challenges.
The first is to see how well the self-care practices I talked about Sunday worked. Did the weekend help me recover and give me the energy I need? Well, only time will tell. Only time will tell whether my strength is real or actually just shadows in the darkness, a trick that is ready to disappear at a moment’s notice.
Yet more than that, coming off of the long weekend adds an extra challenge for me, because I am reopening the accommodation process with my work, after the previous accommodation they offered proved ineffective. Given the added anxiety that process created, I am reluctant to do so, even though I feel confident that the law is on my side. Ultimately, I must be my own advocate, for only I know how my demons torment me.
Going back to work after a long weekend, re-entering a fight that was draining the first time around, these things take strength. However, I truly believe that those who battle in silence, fighting demons only they can see, are stronger than they know, and when the time is right they will find that strength.
And that is what I keep telling myself as I go back into the fray.