If I Diagnose Myself, Do I Still Have to Pay You?

“How was this week, how were you at working on the things we discussed last time,” my therapist asked. I was about to answer when I was interrupted by a series of bangs from the heating vent. “Ignore that,” she said dismissively, “it is just the heat kicking on.”

“Hmm, sounds like an old building or at least an old heating system,” I said politely, still looking at the heating vent.

What the fuck, it definitely sounds like a tiny man is wreaking have on the pipes with a small sledge hammer, is what actually I think, but of course I don’t say that.

“It will stop in a minute,” my therapist continues.

“Okay,” I say, still smiling politely and still looking at the heating vent that now sounds like someone without any kind of rhythm is going to town on a steel drum.

Whatever she said next, I have no idea, because I’m now thinking to myself, is she sure that is okay, because it definitely sounds like a pipe is about to burst and I am about to be melted away by steam, the way the Nazi was in Indiana Jones, except of course that was because of the power of the Ark of the Covenant, not what is a noisy, but likely harmless heating system. And oh shit, is my therapist still talking.


The end result is that I’ve now convinced myself that I also have some attention deficit disorder issues. Great, something else to be anxious about.


At least the rest of the session was good. And no, I was not melted away by steam, but you probably knew that since I lived to post this. Maybe anxiety is just ridiculous thoughts in my head after all. 


2 thoughts on “If I Diagnose Myself, Do I Still Have to Pay You?”

  1. I have to say you have a way of capturing the reader’s attention in the beginning of every post. Thank you for letting your readers into your mind and thoughts no matter how anxious they may be. I can definitely relate to this whole scene that you wrote.

    Nikki O.


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